Dictys

"Now I wonder how What's her name has been..."


Last week was the week that kept giving. I found a little procedure that got me out of a little wrap i was in and i'm able to come out on tizzop. Just to enumerate the point a little more, this picture is of Torino Italy. Well, in the Martin bldg theres a much better, up-close picture of Torino. I usually notice those things, but this whole semester of walking by said frame, I haven't noticed it, until last Friday atleast, where I stood, paused and settled my thoughts on doin a semester there. That extols my head is a little clearer now/ stress free (i can wonder thoughtlessly). I subsequently took a drive down College Park looking for that elusive Indian restaurant that TA Septugat told me about. Still can't find it, settled for ihop cornbeef hash and toast. But, more importantly, I saw what's-her-name on fb lastweek-as if she hadn't been there all along-and decided to msg her. She responded and we talked a little. That was cool. Umm.... Final exams:::
But to reiterate, last week was nice for various reasons. The school issues that worked out and my new housing location, and schedule for nxt smstr all made the week great. As I continued to unpack I kept finding (lost) valuables, this time, the pics of me in a blazer (rare occasion, looking decent) that whats-her-name gave me, so I post them on fb.

So it's all cheese, well except, a friend of mine is experiencing strife at her job, an ill situation really. That may dampen things. And this blog may have to be edited, i'm half-asleep but can't really sleep an't know why, maybe test excitement/anxiety.

But anyways. talking to what's-her-name (though just thru text mails) felt good!!!

another chromed out ghat

I started talking to my mother about two weeks ago. This happened b/c it turns out that all along, I had a semi-neighbor that grew up with my parents. This i obviously didn't know till Aunty Amina came from London this summer and introduced me to this lady. I had not seen aunty Amina for so many years, but thank God. I am so thankful for being able to spend alll the time I needed to spend with her when she arrived. She did so much to reconnect me with my family again. This is another year and another group of problems. It seems that every year come with its own set of surprises. I'm stuck in limbo once agiain. That place b/t knowing and not-knowing as I said in Ecclesiastes. We can now be sure that as we try to move up the ladder in life, the stryfe comes more sideways and sideways, and gets even more gargantuan. It sucks to be where I see myself right now because I did so much to do the right thing. I had set everything up to kbe in a smooth sailing position right now, and me and all my co-ds where ready to have a blast this semester but it seems the furies had ideas of their own. talk about blassts. Suleiman's landlord reneged on the lease he signed and he had to stay with me for a week, while we both skipped classses so I can drive him all around town. I fucking hate my life. Why won't he go live in my old house????!!!~ I have no idea. But some people have so many preconcieved ideas about certain things that you can't persuade them otherwise.

I gott new roommates, or better yet, I moved to live with F-- and old roommates and those guys fucking suck. I shouldn't say that, this is so mean b/c they seem to be so much better than my old rooomies, oh yeah, light years, but they were inconsiderate about me lodging my friend for about a week. The funny thing is that they are alll from the same country as him. Also, they seem to uncomfortable with my friends coming over but hey it's whatever baby.

vacay week

So I started reading a book on Haiti, hoping to finish it. Don't you hate when people talk your head off much ado about nada while your'e trying to concentrate and smthng else? I've been letting it happen to me too much. School starts next week. My life sucks what more? Don't have much to say really sorry I feel sad about other things happening. She won't forgive me, but I red the emails and yes I was an idiot. A narcissist. Was I pushed to the edge of coward-ry, or did I do the pushing? man that's too much to ponder ftb! I spent this whole winter in reston, was depressing. Even smoked to keep my sanity, but will not be doing that in College Park. Ah I can't wait alreadly like William Wallace, bring it. I'm ready for school, probably not, I don't think I actully rested. kufc

Why are people sooo angry?

Ego.
That's the answer,
I think.
Defensive people get on my nerves because they 1st setup a contrived hostile environment and then wait for your subsequent action/words. At this point they feel the need to put you in a corner by emotionally lashing out and making you feel guilty for some shit. It gets anoying after a while but the most cynical thing about it is that these defensive folks will inadvertently sideline attack you for successes. Me being the type that don't feel comfort rubbing things on people's faces, just laugh inside and keep my cool while the hostility is getting more and more onesided. As soon as this person realize that i'm not even on the same dimension of thought with them anymore; they realize how stupid the whole thing had been and either a) hate you more or b) hate you even more. Lol b/c that's all the commotion really display, your true feelings of underlying --------.

Metamorphosis

So synectic theatre did the play of the book I had to arduosly dissect in high school and I have to say I understand it now. They included Kafka in the play which I thought was ingenious as the audience got to know more about the author, stuff I kinda already knew. I liked this drama company since their reendition of Dante's Inferno. I relate to Samsa now that I understand the story better,yet still confusing.

Vanity of Vanities II

What do you do when hope slips in a deluge.... You have to make tough decisions that sometimes cause great pains.
As King Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes, most of the decisions men come
to garner praise for tend to be non positives in the the near or great future.
In hindsight, we look at situations and seemingly understand all implications, this is why
an insightful person (such as Solomon was) looked at carnal success and, for
lack of a better word, lamented at its percieved trivaility. Lost b/t knowing and notknowing. I know now that I've lost you, and have completely
stopped making any semblance of sense, but I'm currently dealing with matters of such intricacies. Embarking on this odyssey that I that I think is beneficial as far as my moves go, but how do i know I'm right when I have
starving folks calling me all day wanting my help and knowing that i CAN help.
Yet in my eyes, helping means straining what little resources I have and not
achieving streamlined goals that I think fate has set. This is where the conflict
resides. You think fate has set this so-called path that you're supposed to follow,
and that becomes your excuse for being selfish at times, but who knows what fate has really planned for you.
And then again one has to believe in "fate" to even ponder the idea.
For us that believe in the path of life, there is also a fatal flaw to
our holistic views: we make compromises to said path, but hail fire on any
outsider who dares knock us off this road even for a split second.
so....
What do you do?
In Vanity of Vanities, I stressed Bible studies
now I make all excuses not to go, in just a short span of time.
Well, school work has actually taken over my whole schedule plus I have commuting issues.
But like I said, excuses!

The Best Laid Schemes of Mice and Men....

...sometimes go astray.

It's been a long time since I blogged. Well, I've just been away b/c things have been goin south; south of south. Three weeks ago, I got word that my older sister passed away (drop everything moe, you're back at square one). In a total state of shock, I went down to the waterside at old town to reflect on the whole situation. They said she was in great pains, a symptom of her sickled cell disease. I tacitly wondered what the money I sent home just three days before was used for (not that i send money home as often as I probably should, but nonetheless wondering). I took a tuesday off to finally break myself down and find some way to mourn. Otherwise, I'd go through the week in shellshock, being callous to everything around me including school work. So to the waterside in nostalgia of my younger days in fourah bay. I then caught a Matinee at Hoffman, "Capitalism". In that isolated theatre, I cried my eyeballs out for over an hour, fell asleep, woke up and went to Joseph's gravesite. From there I was ready to continue my week.
Besides that
it seems a lot of doors were closed, albeit nothing could really dampen the the great things that's happend this year, I've caught some Ls. But a the end I thank God for everything. Those Ls were battles lost in a war won by me. They were all related to my recent success, so they better had made me stronger-er. Success clouded by the unthinkable of course.

Rest in Peace M'Balu Sankoh, May Christ Always be with You.