vacay week

So I started reading a book on Haiti, hoping to finish it. Don't you hate when people talk your head off much ado about nada while your'e trying to concentrate and smthng else? I've been letting it happen to me too much. School starts next week. My life sucks what more? Don't have much to say really sorry I feel sad about other things happening. She won't forgive me, but I red the emails and yes I was an idiot. A narcissist. Was I pushed to the edge of coward-ry, or did I do the pushing? man that's too much to ponder ftb! I spent this whole winter in reston, was depressing. Even smoked to keep my sanity, but will not be doing that in College Park. Ah I can't wait alreadly like William Wallace, bring it. I'm ready for school, probably not, I don't think I actully rested. kufc

Why are people sooo angry?

Ego.
That's the answer,
I think.
Defensive people get on my nerves because they 1st setup a contrived hostile environment and then wait for your subsequent action/words. At this point they feel the need to put you in a corner by emotionally lashing out and making you feel guilty for some shit. It gets anoying after a while but the most cynical thing about it is that these defensive folks will inadvertently sideline attack you for successes. Me being the type that don't feel comfort rubbing things on people's faces, just laugh inside and keep my cool while the hostility is getting more and more onesided. As soon as this person realize that i'm not even on the same dimension of thought with them anymore; they realize how stupid the whole thing had been and either a) hate you more or b) hate you even more. Lol b/c that's all the commotion really display, your true feelings of underlying --------.

Metamorphosis

So synectic theatre did the play of the book I had to arduosly dissect in high school and I have to say I understand it now. They included Kafka in the play which I thought was ingenious as the audience got to know more about the author, stuff I kinda already knew. I liked this drama company since their reendition of Dante's Inferno. I relate to Samsa now that I understand the story better,yet still confusing.

Vanity of Vanities II

What do you do when hope slips in a deluge.... You have to make tough decisions that sometimes cause great pains.
As King Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes, most of the decisions men come
to garner praise for tend to be non positives in the the near or great future.
In hindsight, we look at situations and seemingly understand all implications, this is why
an insightful person (such as Solomon was) looked at carnal success and, for
lack of a better word, lamented at its percieved trivaility. Lost b/t knowing and notknowing. I know now that I've lost you, and have completely
stopped making any semblance of sense, but I'm currently dealing with matters of such intricacies. Embarking on this odyssey that I that I think is beneficial as far as my moves go, but how do i know I'm right when I have
starving folks calling me all day wanting my help and knowing that i CAN help.
Yet in my eyes, helping means straining what little resources I have and not
achieving streamlined goals that I think fate has set. This is where the conflict
resides. You think fate has set this so-called path that you're supposed to follow,
and that becomes your excuse for being selfish at times, but who knows what fate has really planned for you.
And then again one has to believe in "fate" to even ponder the idea.
For us that believe in the path of life, there is also a fatal flaw to
our holistic views: we make compromises to said path, but hail fire on any
outsider who dares knock us off this road even for a split second.
so....
What do you do?
In Vanity of Vanities, I stressed Bible studies
now I make all excuses not to go, in just a short span of time.
Well, school work has actually taken over my whole schedule plus I have commuting issues.
But like I said, excuses!

The Best Laid Schemes of Mice and Men....

...sometimes go astray.

It's been a long time since I blogged. Well, I've just been away b/c things have been goin south; south of south. Three weeks ago, I got word that my older sister passed away (drop everything moe, you're back at square one). In a total state of shock, I went down to the waterside at old town to reflect on the whole situation. They said she was in great pains, a symptom of her sickled cell disease. I tacitly wondered what the money I sent home just three days before was used for (not that i send money home as often as I probably should, but nonetheless wondering). I took a tuesday off to finally break myself down and find some way to mourn. Otherwise, I'd go through the week in shellshock, being callous to everything around me including school work. So to the waterside in nostalgia of my younger days in fourah bay. I then caught a Matinee at Hoffman, "Capitalism". In that isolated theatre, I cried my eyeballs out for over an hour, fell asleep, woke up and went to Joseph's gravesite. From there I was ready to continue my week.
Besides that
it seems a lot of doors were closed, albeit nothing could really dampen the the great things that's happend this year, I've caught some Ls. But a the end I thank God for everything. Those Ls were battles lost in a war won by me. They were all related to my recent success, so they better had made me stronger-er. Success clouded by the unthinkable of course.

Rest in Peace M'Balu Sankoh, May Christ Always be with You.

Going to school...

...it sometimes feels like an accidental anachronism.

Silver lining

In the deepest depths of our despair when our backs are aginst the proverbial walls, that's the best time for our inner most examination and contemplation. No matterhow bad it gets, things will always get better, so when we remember that we can rebuild, it's the primal time to reconstruct our foundations. It's easier to bounce back from failure than it is to sometimes switch from and improve an agreeable situation. The silver lining then, is the cliche': if it doesn't kill you then it makes you more frustrated (lol)... STRONGER